🇱🇹 Kernavė – Viking Hills, Witches and a Kalashnikov

Some days you set off expecting nothing particularly exciting, only to end up with one of the best stories of your trip. Our visit to Kernavė was exactly one of those days. A bit of history, a lot of rain, a wonderfully eccentric campsite and a birthday party that had us wondering more than once what on earth we’d got ourselves into.
But let’s start at the beginning.

Kernavė – Lithuania’s former capital

About 35 kilometres northwest of Vilnius lies the little town of Kernavė. These days, it’s a pretty peaceful place. Hard to believe that back in the Middle Ages, it was one of Lithuania’s most important political and economic centres and is considered one of the country’s earliest capitals.

Kernavė is sometimes referred to as the “Troy of Lithuania”. Don’t expect magnificent castle ruins or enormous ancient temples, though. Instead, you’ll find five impressive grassy hills where fortified castles once stood in the 13th century. From up there, people could keep an eye on the Neris River valley and spot potential enemies approaching from miles away.

In the 14th century, the medieval town was destroyed by the Teutonic Order. What remained were the hills and a great deal of history buried beneath the ground. Archaeologists have discovered evidence of human settlement here dating back around 10,000 years. Since 2004, the archaeological landscape has even been a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Sounds fascinating, doesn’t it?

We thought so too. Unfortunately, the weather gods had other ideas. It rained. And that’s putting it mildly. It absolutely bucketed down.

Still, we’d come all this way, so of course we wanted to explore those famous hills. Off we went, trudging through the pouring rain, climbing up and down the slopes and trying to imagine what life must have been like here centuries ago.

The scenery really is impressive. Rolling green hills, sweeping views across the valley and history everywhere you look. On a sunny day, it must be absolutely stunning. For us, it was more of a historical sightseeing tour with a complimentary full-body shower.

Eventually, we were so thoroughly soaked that jumping straight into the Neris River wouldn’t have made the slightest difference.

Time to head back to Wilma.

A Campsite that’s an attraction in its own right

We’d parked Wilma at a “campsite” that turned out to be every bit as interesting as the place we’d actually come to visit. From the moment we arrived, it was clear this wasn’t your average campsite with neatly mown lawns, numbered pitches and a long list of rules.
This place was different. Creative, quirky and gloriously unconventional.

And right at the heart of it all was Patrick.

Patrick is quite possibly one of the friendliest and happiest people we’ve met on our travels. A real character. Always wearing an enormous grin, bursting with energy and so enthusiastic about everything that it’s impossible not to get swept along.

We’d barely arrived before he was proudly showing us around his property and telling us all about its history. It turned out that the site used to be a Soviet kolkhoz – a collective farm from the days of the Soviet Union.

So, where people once worked the land according to socialist agricultural plans, campers can now park their motorhomes. A little piece of living history, you might say.

Patrick bought the property in the early 2000s and has since transformed it into his own wonderfully eccentric little world.
He makes dolls, is incredibly creative and spends time tinkering with old cars alongside young people from the local area. Everywhere you look, there’s something unusual to discover.

One thing that particularly caught our attention was the sheer number of pictures and figures of witches scattered around the grounds.

Naturally, Patrick had a story about those too. Something involving witches, old legends and probably quite a few other things.
I have to admit, though, I didn’t entirely follow the witch story.
But one thing was certain: boring is definitely not a word you’d use to describe this place.

„Come join and have some beers!“

After our thoroughly unwanted soaking in Kernavė, we settled down in Wilma for what we hoped would be a cosy evening. Dry clothes, a bit of warmth and a chance to relax. That was the plan, anyway.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
It was Patrick. “I’m celebrating my birthday! Come join and have some beers!”

Oh. A birthday party.

We were genuinely delighted by the spontaneous invitation, although we weren’t entirely sure whether we should actually go.
By this point, some of the party guests had already arrived. A few had turned up in bright yellow, heavily modified BMWs that you could hear coming from quite some distance.
Not that we’re judging, of course… 😉

Some of the guests were in fancy dress, somewhere between Halloween and a costume party, and a considerable amount of shouting and cheering was already coming from the building where the celebrations were taking place.

Apparently, somebody was having a go at karaoke.
“Money for Nothing, Chicks for Free!”
Dire Straits would probably have been delighted.

Stefan and I stood outside the party room and looked at each other.
Go in? Retreat to the safety of Wilma?
Oh, what the hell!
How often do you get spontaneously invited to a Lithuanian birthday party?
Oh well, let’s go inside.

Smoke, beer and a man in Lederhosen

The moment we opened the door, we were greeted by a rather impressive cloud of cigarette smoke, beer fumes and general party chaos.

Patrick spotted us immediately and came towards us wearing his biggest grin yet. Within about five seconds, we both had a beer in our hands. Hospitality doesn’t get much simpler than that.

Incidentally, I spent the entire evening nursing that one beer. Not necessarily because it was particularly delicious, but mainly because I suspected that the moment I finished it, Patrick would put another one straight into my hand.

We got chatting and learnt a bit more about him. Patrick told us he has Finnish and French roots and had bought the property in the early 2000s.

He also talked about how nervous many Lithuanians feel about Russia and how relieved they are to be part of the European Union.
We’d already noticed something similar during our travels. Everywhere in Lithuania, we’d seen Ukrainian flags flying as a sign of solidarity with Ukraine.

You really get the sense that the country’s history under Soviet occupation is still very much present and that the current political situation weighs heavily on people’s minds.
It was a fascinating insight, particularly given that we were having this conversation on the grounds of a former Soviet collective farm.
But before things got too serious, Patrick introduced us to another party guest.

A man wearing Lederhosen.
In Lithuania.
At a fancy-dress party.
Well, why not?

The man in Lederhosen turned out to be a huge Borussia Dortmund supporter. He was absolutely delighted to discover that we were from Germany. We chatted for a while about life in Lithuania and asked him what people around here generally did for a living.
His answer was wonderfully straightforward:
“Well, you either become a carpenter, a farmer, or you move to Vilnius and get a desk job.”
Right then. Three options. Career counselling sorted.

Of course, there’s a little more to life in Lithuania than that, but his wonderfully matter-of-fact summary made us laugh.
He had a few questions for us too, although what interested him most was which motorway we’d taken to get to Lithuania.
“Ah, the A4! The lovely route!”
Clearly a man who appreciated a good motorway.

“Be careful with my Kalashnikov!“

There was one particular moment that evening that we’ll definitely never forget.

As I mentioned, quite a few guests were in fancy dress. Halloween seemed to be the general theme, although we were never entirely sure.

Anyway, one of the guests was wandering around carrying a gun.
At first, we didn’t think much of it.
Fancy-dress party. Costumes. Toy gun.
Nothing to worry about, surely.
Until Patrick suddenly shouted across the room:

“HEY! BE CAREFUL WITH MY KALASHNIKOV! THERE IS A LIVE BULLET INSIDE!”
Erm.
Sorry, WHAT?

Stefan and I looked at each other.
Was that supposed to be a joke?
Was the thing actually real?And had Patrick really just said there was a live round inside it?
For a brief moment, the party became considerably more exciting than we’d bargained for.

We decided not to ask any further questions. Some mysteries are probably best left unsolved. Whether the gun was real or not, we’ll never know.

Perhaps it was simply Patrick’s rather unusual sense of humour.
One thing’s for sure: this was no ordinary birthday party.
Despite that slightly bizarre incident, we had a genuinely funny and fascinating evening.

We got a little glimpse into local life, heard personal stories and met someone in Patrick who seems to approach life with an enviable amount of joy and creativity.

And let’s be fair: a birthday party on a former Soviet collective farm, complete with Halloween costumes, bright yellow BMWs, a Borussia Dortmund fan in Lederhosen, karaoke and a potentially loaded Kalashnikov? You really couldn’t make it up.

Eventually, we said goodbye to the rather merry party crowd and retreated to the comfort of Wilma. The night was wonderfully peaceful. Not a sound could be heard from the wild celebrations.

The following morning, we said goodbye to a thoroughly exhausted Patrick, who, despite clearly having had very little sleep, still greeted us with his trademark beaming smile.

Then it was time to head off towards our next destination.
What we’ll take away from this stop is the memory of a completely rain-soaked adventure in Kernavė, a wonderfully unusual campsite and a host we certainly won’t be forgetting any time soon.